Let's take a walk.

Jingle, jingle....the sounds of the collar as I pull it out of the drawer.  "Let's go for a walk, babe!"  Jingle, jingle.

Jump.  Run.  Jump.  Spin.  Jumpjumpjump. Spin.  Sit.

Slide the collar on, hook the leash.  Oops....sorry babe, I got some hair!

Runrunrun.  Jumpjumpjump.

Down the steps and onto the sidewalk.  She's crazy, spastic, hyper, excited.  She loves walks.  Ipod on, feeling the music.  My time to relax.

OH!!  The neighbors ivy.  Always my first stop.  Sniffsniffsniff.  Sniffsniffsniff.  Ok, enough of that.

Continue walking.  OMG!!!  Look out for the dumb ass on the four-wheeler....my life just flashed before my eyes.  BREATHE....10-9-8-7.....

OH!!!  Fire hydrant #1!  Sniffsniffsniff.  Let's wrap the leash around it.  Always wrap the leash around it.  Hehe.

She always wraps the freaking leash around it.  ALWAYS.  Pick her up, cross the bridge, set her down.  More obstacles...a father and son on bicycles, a car pulling into the park, another exiting.  Poor Paris.  So small.  So excited.

OH!!!  A McDonalds bag!  Foodfoodfood.  Damn....nothing.  OH!!!  Fire hydrant #2!  Sniffsniffsniff.  I won't wrap myself around it this time....maybe next time.

Golfers.  Men.  Always staring.  Look forward.  Resist the urge to let the middle finger fly, or worse, punch them.  No, I would never.  But I'd like to!  Cross the street.  From passing cars I hear "Oh, look how cute!"  Yeah, she is, isn't she?  I know this.  FOR SALE.....my dream house.  Huge.  White.  Victorian.  Bright blue shutters.  Large porch.  Too bad it's out of my price range....or anyone else's for that matter.  You'd think after years on the market, they'd lower it.  Whatever.  My favorite block.  Victorian after victorian.  White, blue, yellow, pink.  Flashbacks of Rainbow Row on the Battery in Charleston.  Beautiful city.  Bad memories.  DING!!  Think about something else.  The sound of some sort of machine in the background.  Cross the street.  Which way?  This way.  Walkwalkwalk.  Elderly women and minimal amounts of exercise.  Families returning from football practice.  Friends gossiping on wrap-around porches.  Men...staring again.  Maybe they're staring at the pup and not me.  Maybe.  Another FOR SALE.  And another.  Beautiful house.  Let's take a look at the brochure.

OH!!!  We're stopping!  Ok, I didn't wrap the last time....it's time to wrap.  Around and around I go.  Hehe.

Damnit, Paris!!  Always wrapping.  I attempt to unwrap her from the FOR SALE sign, but as I make my way around the sign, she follows, winding us both into a tangled web of leash.  I'm sure the elderly exercisers, the football family, the gossiping friends, and the staring men are all getting a chuckle out of this.  Ha. Ha.  To make it worse, I think we walked into mosquito haven.  THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!  Smack, smack, smack!  Continue walking.  Beautiful homes.  Maybe someday.  Sidewalk chalkers.  Future artists?  I doubt it.  Smack!  Hmmm....I haven't been down this road.  Walkwalkwalk.  Smack!  Dead end.  That must be why I've never been down this road.  U turn.  Walkwalkwalk.  Again, pass the future artists, FOR SALE, staring men, gossiping friends, football family, and elderly exercisers.  RUFF!  RUFF!  What a handsome old Basset Hound.  Sounds tough.  In actuality, too old and lazy to move from his cozy spot on the porch.  Smack!  Walkwalkwalk.  Daydream....future, love, family, home.  Hope.  Pray.  Wish.  Someday.  Uh oh....big, black dog on the loose.  Where's master?  Where's master?  Oh, there's master.  And the machine making all that racket.  RUFF!  RUFF!  Oh no....please be an invisible fence.

RUNRUNRUN!!  He's big.  And scary.  And loud.  And UNLEASHED!  Oh shit, let's go mommy!  Let's go!  RUNRUNRUN!!

Smile and pass.  Smile and pass.  Of course....master speaks.  The usual....she's so small, she's so cute, blah blah blah.  Seeing the fear in her eyes, I quickly spill my usual....she's full grown, three pounds, mini yorkie, thank you, yeah yeah yeah and hurry her to safety.  Smack!  Whew.  That was close.  Thank God for the invisible fence.  Cross the street.  Golfers.  Men.  Staring.  Middle finger?  Punch?  No.  Look forward and ignore.  Look forward and ignore.  BREATHE.  10-9-8-7...

OH!!!  A jogger!  Let's get him!  RUNRUNRUN!!  Ok, mom's not running.  Wait.  RUNRUNRUN!!  Apparently she's not running again.  Always ruining my fun.  OH!!!  Fire hydrant #3!  Sniffsniffsniff.  I won't wrap this time....the last one was pretty good....I'll give her a break.

Thank goodness she didn't wrap.  She always wraps.  Smack!  Almost home.  What a nice walk...aside from the mosquitos, the black beast, and the perverted golfers.  What a nice walk.

We'll take another one tomorrow, babe.  Good Girl!