Sunday, June 7, 2009

What resolution?

June 7, 2009:    One lonely day in May, during a 5-hour layover at D.C.'s Reagan International Airport, I found my eyes wandering through the crowd of lifeless, annoyed travelers, wondering what I should do to pass the time, and what would be my best escape from the smelly old man next to me.  Of course, I should have been reading the chapter that was due the following day, or working on an assignment, or maybe studying for the PLT (which is coming up in just 5 short days....YIKES!!), but instead, I indulged in an express pedicure, a Starbucks Caramel Apple Spice (or, as I refer to it, Heaven in a Cardboard Cup), a beer and a burger at the infamous Gordon Biersch, and a lengthy hiatus at the mini-Borders Bookstore.  Ironically, after nearly 45 minutes of mindless page-flipping, I found myself holding a book called, "Chicken Soup for the Soul:  My Resolution."  Now, you may be thinking, "Chicken Soup???  Who are you and where is Erica?"  Trust me, I thought the same thing.  Looking at the clock and realizing I still had about 2 hours before departure, I decided to flip through the damn thing.  I flipped.  And I flipped some more.  And some more.  Before I knew it, I had read nearly 30 pages!  It was fascinating and real, and I couldn't put it down.  I reluctantly threw $17 on the counter and hurried out of that place before I ended up buying anything else.

Because I'm still in school, I have only been able to read bits here and there.  The past few days, however, I spent hours reading the stories of successful (and not so successful) resolutions made by people around the country.  Some were to lose weight, others were to save more, and others to live more.  Some are tearful, some are hilarious.  ALL ARE INSPIRATIONAL.  During this lonely weekend, I have reflected back upon the two resolutions I made as the clock struck midnight on January 1, 2009.  My first, to save! save! save!, while quite boring and traditional, has fortunately been upheld.  I have a jar (which I keep on top of my cabinet so that I don't have the urge to reach into it on a daily basis) that is half full of coins and small amounts of cash.  Each paycheck, I put just a little bit ($20 here, $10 there) into my savings account.  I'm not sure what these two money pots will be used for, but at least I've kept my resolution.  My second, to live for me, has been a little more difficult.  Yes, I do what I want, when I want.  That's the joy of being single and living alone.  If I want to run around the house naked, I will!  But, I still feel a constant urge to please others, to put others before myself.  Sometimes it's necessary, and sometimes I want to do it, but sometimes, I find the real me cussing out the nice me for saying yes to the colleague who asked me to work on his project, or for returning to the friend who has become one big disappointment.

The resolutions I made are important to me.  If they weren't, I wouldn't have made them in the first place!  However, in reading this book, I've realized that resolutions are just goals, and if they aren't fulfilled in one year, keep trying until you reach that goal.  I've also realized that resolutions don't have to be so serious, and they definitely don't have to be made on that one single night a year where everyone wears sparkly dresses, toasts to a new beginning, and affectionately (or maybe drunkenly) welcomes in the new year with a kiss.

I've taken several ideas from this book.  Some are personal, and will not be discussed here for the world to critique.  Others I am proud to share.  For example, instead of focusing on the "to-do" lists that consume my life, I will start focusing on my "have-done" list, to remind me of what I've accomplished in my young life.  It will be an on-going list that I hope to keep forever as a reflection of the life I've led.  Similar to this, I'd like to begin a journal of thanks.  This journal will hold the things that I'm thankful for each and every day.  Whether it's a snuggle from Paris, or a smile from a passing stranger, anything that brings joy to my life will be recorded.  Along with the "have-done" list, I hope this journal will be my motivation to continue on, even in the toughest of times.  My final, and perhaps most challenging, task is that of a year of photographs.  Each day for the next 365 days, I will upload a picture I have taken that day (aka a "picture of the day") that reflects some aspect of the day.  In essence, this will end up as a year of my life in photos.  Perhaps this will last a month....maybe it will last a year....but, just possibly, it could last a lifetime.  My life in photos.  I can only imagine.

**INFORMATION ON WHERE TO FOLLOW MY YEAR IN PHOTOGRAPHS WILL BE POSTED SHORTLY (gimme a break, it's 10:30 pm, I'm not starting tonight!!)

*** MY YEAR IN PHOTOS CAN BE ACCESSED BY CLICKING THE "PHOTO OF THE DAY" LINK TO THE LEFT (in the "some of my faves...." column)
Find me here, and speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again.